Should My Aspiring Influencer Friend Stop Exploiting Me for Material?

The Prosecution: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?